To my girl Stacey,
Never in a million years would I think I would have to write something like this, yet here I am. This morning I attended Zoe Fellowship church, and listened as we celebrated your life. As I sat in the church, drowning in a puddle of my own tears, I began to think of all the memories you and I shared.
Thinking back, I donโt remember when you and I met exactly, but one thing that I do know is, that I always admired you. You see, you always shined as the epitome of all the things I hopped to be. For starters, we connected over our time on Disney Cruise Line. And though we werenโt on the same ship, I think that any past crewmember would agree that unless you have done a contract, you canโt really understand what the DCL life is like. So immediately, we had a connection. When you did come to parades, I was literally shook by your dancing. Edges removed, and never to be found again. Truth be told, I am almost never jealous of fellow performers, but watching you (and Janet) do monkey and piรฑata was like this other worldly experience. It was effortless. It was fierce. It was FULL OUT WITH FEELING. You danced through space and time and kicked so high Iโm sure it could be felt in a million other galaxies. Brown girls at Disney were and are few and far between, but how thankful I was to have someone like you as a friend. And boy were you funny. But even your funny was different. You were real, something I had spent my entire life perfecting, you did with ease. Your humor cut into peopleโs hearts in a way that didnโt sting, but caused a sense of reflection. My humor has always been taken the wrong way, leaving a bitter and unfavorable taste in peopleโs mouth, but you had the best of both worlds: clever and funny, honest and real. You always knew what to say, and how to say it. But most importantly, your love for God, my God, our God, was clear. He worked for you, and it showed. Today someone said it best, โbefore she danced for Disney, she danced for the Lordโ. You lived each day like it was a blessing, and in turn you blessed all of us.
But of all the things that I loved about you most, I loved how you were so good to me. You could tell when I was at work about to completely lose my cool, which happened often, and you would talk me off the ledge. You offered alternative words when my go to was a smooth cussing out. And you spoke life into my life in times when I didnโt even know I was roaming in darkness. Your spirit was clear, your faith was strong, and your heart was endless. A quick one liner, or side eye across the makeup room eased my spirit and comforted me when I felt as though no one understood me. Your faith in God showed through each day. And itโs taken me until this moment, this moment right here to realize how much your never-ending kindness and words of encouragement helped me. I am so very thankful to you.
When I heard you were sick, I reached out to you, and couldnโt believe how positive you were, so much so I thought that maybe the diagnose wasnโt actually accurate. You sure sheโs sick, she is hella upbeat. But that was just you. How did you do it? Even at your lowest point, you found joy in the smallest things, you spoke life into weary people around you, and you stayed hopeful.
Now that youโre gone, I find myself thinking about how much of this I should have told you when you were here. How many thank youโs that I missed out on. How many times I should have visited you but I didnโt. How much more life I could have been living knowing your days were limited. Frankly, Iโm angry. Angry that this could happen to you a person so pure and prefect as you. You did everything right. You were barely writing the introduction to your story and now itโs over.
As I sat in the service today, and listen to your husband Rande speak, your family and your friends, I was reminded of one important thing, that your legacy is shaped by the effect you leave on peopleโs lives. People may not always remember what you said, but they will remember how you treated them and how you made them feel. Stacey, you treated me like I mattered to you, like I was special and I was worthy of your kindness and love, and I will forever be indebted to you for that.
So now, as I sit here typing this, eyes blurry and heart heavy, Iโm still struggling with the right words to properly move forward in this moment.
In arguably one of the heaviest and shifting times of my life, I find myself thinking what would Stacey do? I reflect over my last few months, between the death of my uncle, the death of my dogs, being called everything from a dark cloud to a toxic human, the shift in family dynamics and the crumbling of easily one of the most important relationships in life, all while watching the news at even given moment and just being black in America, how I can possibly get through it? How can I smiled when the weight of the world is sometimes too much? Where do I turn if I feel no one will listen? How do you smile when things arenโt going as planned? How do I get through tomorrow, just knowing you wonโt get that same chance to dance again?
I will think of you, and I will find the joy in it all...
Stacey Renee Parker Wells, you found joy in the darkest moments. You encouraged others while you laid in hospital bed. You, remained claim cool and collected while the devil ran through your body. You, danced to the beat of your own drum. You let God shine His light through you. You, were kind and honest to people like me, people who didnโt deserve it. You were kind. You were hopeful. You were genuine. You were pure. You were dope. You were a mother, a wife, a sister, a daughter, a dancer, a friend, a prayer warrior, a comedian, a teacher, and most importantly an angel.
I am thankful for our moments. I am thankful for the time you spent with me. I am thankful for the way you loved me. Your black girl magic was evident, and you were a honest and pure light in my life, that I frankly did not deserve. I will always wish I would have said more, done more, been there. But know this, from this moment forward, I will do those things for you. I will try harder, dance bigger, forgive others and ask for forgiveness. I will tell the people around me I love them, so I donโt have to write about it later. I will pray harder, and say thank you. I will try to live my life as if it is a gift, because you were a gift to meโฆ
I cannot wait to join the dance company you are constructing in heaven. Just leave me a spot in the back right corner girl!
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
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