Black Girl Struggles: Snatching Racism by its Wig

Honestly, the worse part about living in a racially incentive America isn’t the actual racist. Truthfully, I am kind of used to the offhand comments, or blatant one-liners from people who “didn’t really mean it”, or are “just joking”. What frustrates me the most are the expectation of POC, but mostly black people, to let things go. The expectation that we cannot react in a way that would show how much we hurt. To work in places and spaces that not only invalidate your feelings but then flip it and ask you to make others feel better is absurd. To work in spaces where we cater to the needs of some underrepresented groups, but not others. I cannot count the number of times a coworker, a resident or just a regular "well-meaning" human, said something to me that in some spaces would get them punched, but the managerial response was to “be the bigger person”.

Why do we do this? Why is the wronged person job to make the situation right? Why is the person who was hurt excepted to put on a happy face for the people who did and said the wrong things? Why are there only punishments for reactions, but not for actions? Why is it that when you get emotional its too much, but when they get emotional, it means they are sorry?

Why aren’t we… no, why aren’t YOU all standing up for folks who don’t look like you when your friends, and cousins and fellow non POC do shitty things?

Today I was faced with this challenge, yet again, and on most days, this type of response rolls off my back. But today, it was not so easy. I am exhausted. I am over it and today was the day I almost had enough. Not because the silly white woman who called the corporate offices on me, and then said she wants to live where there are “no black people”, and told me she would finish me, and threatened that her rent pays my salary. Not because of her. I’ve met her before. But mostly because, I know how this will end. I’ve been here before. I will be told to be nice. To appease her request, and “not let her get to me”. SHE hasn’t got to me, but your lack of fixing any situation has.

Word of advice for people in leadership and managerial roles, do me a favor and make sure you aren’t helping to punish people who are treated poorly because they don’t look like you. Call people out on the ish. Tell people they can’t talk however they want.

No, you can’t tell people to go back to Mexico or stop speaking Spanish.

No, you can’t be rude to someone because they are gay.

No, you can’t treat a woman like pieces of meat.

No, you can’t dress however the f*ck you want at Halloween because Native Americans aren’t cartoons.

No, everything is not ghetto. And NO you can’t say the N-word no matter how many times you hear it in a song.

No, you cannot disrespect me in my office, because you think that a black woman is beneath you. And for God’s sake, no you can’t touch my hair.

No, you can’t blame other people’s ignorance for them being well meaning individuals.

But Kim, if I cant do any of that, what can I do? I’m glad you asked Susan.

What you can do, is not be a dick. You can appreciate all the tacos and burritos you’ve had during your lifetime and pipe down. What you can do is stop treating gay guys like handbags, and stop trying to make lesbians straight. You can start treating all woman like you treat your mothers, and have a little respect for all we do. You can pick better Halloween costumes, and win by just being creative af. You can stop using the term ghetto, while listening to black music, doing hip-hop and braiding your hair on a cruise, a be a little more open to learning about the culture you love but hate to stick up for. What you can do Jan, is get out of my office, and realize that an on-sight event coordinator at an Apartment Community is not only unheard of being pretty effin’ dope, so enjoy these amenities or find yourself blocked from all future resident events. And stop asking how my hair grew overnight, I bought it, just like you do. But mostly, most importantly of them all, you can be an active member of calling out BS when you see it. You don’t have to be black, or gay, or a woman, to pull the rug from under folks who are being disrespectful.

It's not rocket science to be a good person.

Everything isn’t funny, and everything isn’t a joke.

Even the most well-meaning people, mess up.

Stop villainizing, victims.

See something, say something girl… and snatch their wigs, immediately.