1. Don’t get bitter, get better.
Over the past years, I’ve been to over 10 weddings. And in 2017 alone, I have three more epic, out of state/ out of the country weddings to attend. That kind of devotion to saying yes to the dress, can make any single gal one Bitter Betty. But over the years, I’ve really come to enjoy weddings. They feel like I am getting to witness a piece of someone’s life, and even a small preview of my own. You see, weddings, for me, as cliche as they can be at times, remind me that anything is possible. And with some of my guy friends that jumped the broom, I truly mean ANYTHING is possible. Weddings are that couples ultimate highlight reel, so why be bitter, or salty or anything other than happy for them. Honestly, enjoy the free food and drinks, dance the night away and think of all the money you just saved. Lol I'm kidding, but seriously. If you are watching other people in relationships, and you can’t find anything positive to say, (and for reference, I’m talking about the good healthy kind), that says more about you, then it does them. Being happy for people, honestly, means stepping outside yourself, and loving the fact that they are in love. #couplegoals are cute, but they are just that, GOALS! And like all other goals, require work, dedication, and the best timing for YOU. So stop liking those Instagram post with a bitter thumb, and either be happy for folks or move on.
2. There is nothing wrong with YOU.
My biggest pet peeve about being a single woman, is when people ask me, “Why are you single?” What’s wrong with you?” Fam, what the hell do you mean? When did we get here, telling single women that there must be something wrong with us, and that’s why a man won’t love us back. It is absolutely ridiculous to judge a human by their relationship status. I don’t judge you by your eyebrows, ok maybe I do, but at least that is a real reason to pick on you. Stop it now America! Sis, ma’am, ladies: we are so much more than items for a man to win in the contest of life. We are humans that deserve love, and respect, whether in a relationship or single. Our worth is not defined by a ring, or a baby, or any of the other shit society claims is the definition what a woman should be. We are all SO MUCH MORE than that. And for the love of God, single people, stop saying you're single because you’re ugly. Because if you keep saying that, other people will believe it. When people ask me why I’m single, I tell them, it’s because I am. That’s it. Strangers don’t deserve more than that, and friends and family shouldn’t push the issue. Stop letting people define all the magical things that are you in a simple little question like that. Some people are in relationships. Some people are single. Some people have good eyebrows. Some people do not. Who. Cares. Bro.
3. There are some people, who are just fine with being single. Seriously.
I know it may seem hard to believe, but some people are ok with being single. And that’s fine. Everyone’s definition of what is important to them doesn’t have to fit your agenda. You don’t know people’s story, and what they’ve been through. Single people normally fall on a wide spectrum of how and why they ended up single. I know people who simply have no desire to date right now. Nothing against it, but it's just not on their mind or on their radar. On the flip side, if someone wants to dive head first in their ratchet lifestyle, and player days, let them. Appreciate the fact that they are doing so as a single human being. Dating lots of people isn’t a crime, even if it doesn't fit your ministry, it’s not a crime to be a hoe. Let’s not THOT SHAME. Let’s not SINGLE PERSON shame. Mind your damn business.
4. Don’t change yourself for no one.
One of the biggest mistakes I see singles make, is treating dating like an interview process. Yes, dates are almost like interviews, and even though you want to put your best foot forward, don't come in promising Beyonce, if you're more of a Keysha Cole. If you like someone, like really like someone, be yourself. Why would anyone want someone to fall in love with fake facade of themselves. It’s like you’re living a double life, on purpose. And why? To say you have a man? The world is filled with enough fakeness as it is, stay true to yourself when getting into relationships, not only because the other person deserves the real you, but because you deserved to be loved for everything you REALLY are. Perfectly crafted Tweets, clever Facebook statuses, and Coachella Headband Filters on Snap can’t go with you on a date girl
5. Indecisiveness is a decision.
In college, I would watch some of my male friends, drag girls along, without really giving them a definite we are together, we aren’t together answer, mostly so they could destroy the dorms. But, now as an adult, I cringe at the thought of the “What are we questions”. Two living and breathing humans, who spend time together, and are not on the same page, hell, who aren’t even reading the book, is TRAGIC. Two adult humans, who are dating, need to have real adult intentions on the brain, or they don’t need to date. Unevenly yoked relationships are unhealthy, and often times leave one person looking batshit crazy. Figure. It. Out. America. That weird guessing game is only cute for a little bit, and then it’s time to find answers. If you like someone, do something about it. If you don’t, do something about it. But holding them or yourself in the middle isn’t fair. More importantly, I know the feeling of being in relationship purgatory. Overshare Alert: Just young, and confused, taking his inch and running 3000 miles, all the while creating a completely ridiculous relationship in my head. Been there done that. But in my defense, I was lead on a million different miles and never had a real answer from him. Back then, I was young, and infatuated with the idea of it all. Now, I’m disgusted at myself. Silence is an answer. So keep your ears to the streets. Hearts are a terrible thing to waste on an undeserving or uninterested human dickhead.
6. Love yourself the way you want to be loved & expect nothing less
I know the old saying goes, treat others the way you want to be treated, but I believe it’s also important to LOVE yourself the way you want to be LOVED. A man or woman, who is confident in what they want, for themselves, for their lives, and for a significant other, rarely settles for anything less than that. When you learn to hold yourself in the highest regard, you would never let some ashy broke dude treat you as anything less than a queen. An attitude and practice of self care and mental health is contagious. It causes you to not only put yourself first, but also teaches others how to LOVE YOU. So be selfish with yourself, and demand that you deserve it all. You may loose a couple of frogs along the way, but a few request is nothing to a King…
7. If you lost someone, but found yourself, you’ve already won.
The best stories of self discovery and growth often come under the guise of losing someone throughout the process. Failed relationships and broken hearts aren’t always a bad thing. Carrying the weight of another human, the pain that was associated with that person, what you did, what they did, is hard for anyone. Learn to take the good with the bad with your relationship history, and turn that grief, and sadness into a winning attitude. Yeah, this one or that one didn't work out. But what did you LEARN in the process? Often times, people can’t find new relationships because they can let that old shit go. If the movie Frozen taught me anything, it was that when you let go, when you REALLY let go, and you Elsa all over the situation, you can find the baddest bitch inside of you, that you never knew you had. Self reflection, self discovery, and growth are worth a million times more than a date on Valentine's Day.
8. Open yourself up to things that may be right under your nose.
Going to keep this short, because, life. I’ve watched the most random, most eyebrow raising, most huh, most amazing, most beautiful, most this wouldn’t be my first choice but this is amazing, relationships form from friendships. I’m just saying...
9. Buy yourself your own damn chocolate covered strawberries and flowers girl.
It boggles my mind sometimes, that as women, but people in general, have decided nice trips, flowers, and chocolates are only good when coming from a man? Sis, if you don’t buy your own damn chocolates, take yourself on dates, and plant them flowers in your own yard, how are you ever going to know what you really want, but also what you DESERVE. When you love yourself, you tend to fill that void that relationships somethings fill. Quiet as it’s kept, all the roses in the world can't mask the stank of a musty life and dingy heart. Pour life into yourself, pour love into yourself, fill yourself up with the finest of chocolates, and wine and love, and watch some else appreciate how you love on yourself.
10. “The most guarded people, usually have the most to guard. Don’t let impatience cause you to miss out on what could be amazing.“
I didn’t write this one, but I wrote this one. If there was ever a couple of sentences that spoke to me, that defined my very being, and illustrates my best intentions, that was it. When you are as painfully and sometimes awkwardly guarded as I am, I often lose people before a relationship starts, merely because they are exhausted of trying to get through to me. And it’s in those moments, the moments that you want to give up on someone, you might be right on the verge on the best thing you didn’t know you needed. Be patient with people. People like me, have a world of love to give, if you’re willing to give us a little bit of time. If it’s worth it, really, really worth it, the time spent will seem like mere moments. I am forever indebted to those faithful few, who will love me more than I was able to love them back at the start. I promise, whoever you are, it’ll be so worth it.
11. Trust the process, timing of your love life.
This last one could easily be applied to any and every aspect of your life, but today, we’re focusing on relationships. I believe, that there is someone out there for everyone. I believe because I have to. The universe made us all so special and so dope, that why wouldn’t someone want to date all this. So often we get caught up in other people’s stories, their successes, their love affairs, their happiness, that we become jaded we think that something so special couldn't happen to us? But why not? No one is incapable of love, well maybe a few people, but for the most part, every decent living human is worthy of a little suga. So relax. It’s going to be ok. There is more to life than a dude buying you Olive Garden today.
So to you, you legion of Single Awareness Club Premium Membership holders, don’t let this day get you down, because it’s just a day… hell, its TACO TUESDAY, which is way better than bootleg Cupid’s day. And if you don’t have a Valentine, be your own this year. Love on yourself, and remind yourself why you are bae. And next year, take a chance. Maybe hit up that dude you been stalking on Instgram. Or slide into some special girls DM. Shoot your shot. The worse that that happen, you get a good laugh, and end up buying yourself chocolates. But then again, it could just be the start of something really special..
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