Yesterday, our dysfunctional Disney family was given the news that a former castmember of ours had fatally passed away, moments before we began prepping for A Christmas Fantasy Parade. The reactions were, as expected, rough. There were tears, confusion and a heap of unanswered questions. Frankly we were shocked. The news came and without even being able to fully process it, we had to get ready for a show, dry our faces, put on our costumes, and slap a smile on our face because a ton of excited guest were waiting just outside the gates to see us perform. In that moment, I struggled to find the words to say to those that were crying, to those that had never met her, and most importantly to myself. I was simply caught off guard, and didnโt know what to do or say. I immediately looked on the internet for answers, searching for the article and doing my best to make sense of it all. And nothing. So, I got in my sweaty velvet dress and prepped for the parade. I finished the parade as usual, had a great time with my finale famz, and even attended an awesome Friendsgiving that evening where we rose a glass to the life of Debbie, who I called, Bit Tits (long story).
When I woke up today, after reading countless messages and statuses from other castmemebers, I knew that after taking a step back from the situation, taking that extra moment to breathe, I knew that the only thing I could really do, was write about it, and try to take away something positive from a situation that has me feeling pretty awful.
I met Debbie years ago. I canโt even pinpoint the time or place, but she was always around. We passed by each other over the years, but it was never a best friend situation. And then I joined the Phineas and Ferb Phamily (thatโs family for those of you who struggle with words), and subsequently a little show called Dancing with DIsney (the best show that wasn't even a show). Thatโs when I really got to know her, and thatโs when the name โBTโ came to be. And thatโs when I found out the most important thing about her, which was she REALLY loved her job. Admittedly, her overjoyous love for MIckey and the gang almost annoyed me, mostly because iโm old and bitter and canโt function before 9am, and being a fireside girl required a level of commitment that I hadnโt been prepared for, but learned to love (ladies (and DJs) if you're reading this, thank you, for that entire experience), and because she was just happy. I mean, she really loved Disney, more than me for sure, but in a way that was honest and pure and I almost envied. You see, here I was, old bitter Kimberlee, booked and blessed at the time, and Debs was just trying to do more, dance more, be seen as more than a character, get days, be gridded, get out of rope, but she still loved it. I appreciated her for that. But we still werenโt there, like we were cool, but still not there.
And then I saw a shift. The girl who loved Disney, who was everywhere all the time didnโt seem to be herself. Situations in her personal life were literally tearing her apart and I wondered what happened to her. She was different, sad, unhappy. How can this girl, that loved what she does so much, be wrapped up things and people who were beneath her. So, me being the Dr. Phyllis Oprah older sister tell it like it is even when you didnโt ask all in your business person that I am, I talked to her about it. Over and over. I told her she was better than all the lackluster human beings who were playing saba on her heart and Russian roulette with her emotions. I told her that the Mouse House was herโs and she deserved to come there everyday and be happy. I told her that I saw her, and wanted the best for her, and that she had to want it for herself. Honestly, I yelled at her a bit. Right there in the dressing room. But it was because she deserved better. Next thing I knew, BT was moving across the country to work at Walt Disney World. Initially my response was โzamn girl, I didnโt stay pack your ish up and bounceโ but she told me she needed it, and I understood.
Fast forward to about a month ago when Debbie was here for a friend's wedding and we talked about life while waiting for the end of Pixar Play Parade. She spoke about how different WDW was, which of course they are no Disneyland, she talked about maybe coming home, how she was liking there etc. But all I could hear was that she was ok. She was changed, she was different, she was stronger and I was happy for her. You see, what Debโs did, that most people I know donโt, is make a change. She made a change for herself and the person I saw a month ago was new. New, and improved and better. Most of us sit idly in the same spot and wonder why our lives havenโt gotten better, hell why they havenโt done anything. Weโre unhappy with our situations, our circumstances, our relationships, friendships, job, bank account, all of it, and just hope it fixes itself. Dumb. But not Debbie, she actually did something and she was the better because of it.
I was PROUD of Big Tits.
So now Iโm here, wondering how could something like this happen to someone so out of the blue. I'm angry because any life gone too soon, has a way of slapping you where it hurts most. But mostly, Iโm sad because Debbie did something most people wouldnโt have the courage or balls to do, and now, it over. Iโm sad because she came so far, and found a strength inside of her I was worried she didnโt have. She proved me wrong. She proved everyone wrong, and she came out on top. Her story is one that Iโll always remember. Itโs one of loving hard, making mistakes, putting in the work and coming back stronger than before.
The situation still seems a little unreal, but I find peace in knowing that Debbie literally was a friend to everyone she met. The outpouring of love that has been shown by the Disney community is a testament to the person she was, even when I didnโt always get it. People like Debbie are important, and you sometimes donโt realize it until itโs too late. My heart and prayers are with your family.
To my Disney family: Iโm proud of us. How we pulled together and put out a great show last night. Like a real family. We don't get enough credit sometimes, but that should be acknowledged, from leadership on down we pulled together.
This one's going to hurt a while, but look how much we can learn from it: Life is short. Be kind to each other, maybe not best friends, but understand how important we are to each other. Do better. Dance full out. Say sorry. Shut up. Listen. Learn from your mistakes. Work on yourself. Try. Mean what you say. Get over it. Forgive. Communicate. Be better. Love. Live, really live. We only get ONE chance at this thing called life, don't take any second of it for granted.
Let Debbieโs memory provide us of a reminder of WHY we do what we do...<3 Rest peacefully girl.
Carpe Diem, Debs.