Being a black woman is tough...
I recently read an article that dug into the firing of Gabrielle Union from America’s Got Talent. Gabrielle, a person that I have seemingly grown up watching and have often been compared to reminds me of myself. She’s been strong, known to be outspoken, funny and “real”. As a somewhat fan of America’s Got Talent, I was excited to see her take a seat on the judge’s chair. The truth is it’s a reality show that often chooses sad stories of perseverance over actual talent, but it's cute and I love it. To make this long story less long, it was reported that Union was fired from the show for this next year. I wondered what she (or Julianne Hough who was also let go) could have possibly done outside of show up and press their golden buzzers.
The truth sadly was even more disappointing than I could have imagined. Union stood up against racist Asian centered jokes made by a guest judge (Jay Leno). And more than that, “changed her hair too much”. Yes, that’s right. Her hair changes weren’t “normal” for white America and the producers took issue with it. There’s more to it, but those are the cliff notes.
*stares blankly into camera*
The sheer idea of this left me fuming. But then, as I read the story, eye squinting and head chocked slightly to the side, I realized that her experience is without question my daily experience.
The thing is, the standards we are held to as Black Women are often a bar set in a completely different atmosphere than our counterparts. From how we dress to the ways in which we do our hair, our being is often a subject of discussion. We are so often not held with the same grace or ease as other women, and rarely understood by those we interact with.
Black women are the biggest cheerleaders you will find but often find themselves having to lift themselves up in times of need.
We stick up for those around us, putting our necks on the line when we feel things are wrong. Yet we are met with almost complete silence when WE are the wronged party.
Black women are tokens in the entertainment industry, and yet unlike the Bible, when 2 or 3 are gathered in a show or single place, people literally freak out because its TOO much diversity.
Our hair has become a topic of so many discussions, both in and out of the workplace. Its too much, too high, too ghetto, to natural, too much… and yet our white sisters do those same styles and its “groundbreaking”.
Black women are the ones who love people deep. Friends, family, and relationships. We foster love like no one else and yet so many of us find ourselves single, cheering on others from the sidelines.
Our voices are strong because we have been raised to stick up for ourselves and be confident in a world that will consistently tell you you aren’t enough. And yet, those strong voices are often silenced in the workplace when men are intimidated by your strength.
My personal experience as a black woman has been all these things and more. I am currently standing in a job full of men who have blatantly told me my confidence has made them uncomfortable and my assertiveness in things as simple as an email makes them deliberately not reply to ANY email because I am asking them to simply do their job. (yes, this happened TODAY)
The truth is, black woman are A LOT of things:
I am the best cheerleader you will find. The sassy black friend. The token black girl. The one who changes her hair every month and would rather talk about hair than let you touch mine. I am the strong and confident person who sticks up for what and who I believe in, no matter what. I am the funny best friend type next to the leading lady. I also a chameleon that moves through the hoods and business rooms with the same energy. I am a brown skin girl, who isn’t exotic or pretty for a black girl. I am not always your idea of beauty and I will never look like Beyoncé so get over it. Black women try JUST that much harder than the other girls because we HAVE too. I am a lover of clothes, fashion and all things that make me unique. But I am also BLACK black. I don’t talk white, I just talk in a way that lets you know I’m not with the shits. I am not here to entertain your off-color jokes, "ghetto or sassy black women speech", or anything else you do that is slightly off-putting and a dig at the girls that look like me. I am confident most days but am not far removed from tough times and just being tired. I go home at night and sit in my car with the weight of the day on my shoulders, and then I bag it up and show tf up for people. We are human, at we hurt, are disappointed and want to give up like the next person. I do my best to uplift black woman FIRST and all women second because I am not color blind but I am allergic to fckboys of ALL colors. Some of my best friends are white and non-black folks, and I CHOSE them because they CHOSE me. Black women are mothers, sisters, aunties, friends, and more than anything people…
My skin and my story make life just a bit different for me then you and I will not erase that fact to make you or anyone else comfortable…
I guess what I am saying is support ya girls or get lost.
Black women are unicorns.
Black women are loyal, honest, and real.
Black women are special.
Black women are badass.
Black women are dope.
But black women are tired.
I pray that this next decade if you have the privilege to have a black woman in your life, you appreciate her, you hug her, and you remind her that you see her.
