Chronicles of Your Favorite Black Girl: My Arms Are Tired

My arms are tired.

For years I have been the one, extending my arms as far as they can go, to everyone, as much as possible, all the time. My arms have reached out to people more times than I can remember, checking in, checking up, or checking myself when I felt like I may have done them wrong. My arms have been pulled every which way. My arms have offered years of support and comfort for those around me, and never once asked for it in return.

My shoulders have been heavy. Heavy with the weight of other people’s problems. For years they have remained a constant place for people to cry on, vent to or simply lean on when times were hard. My shoulders have held the weight of so many others who needed a boost.

My hands have cramped from the messages I have sent out, the apologies I have doctored up. From good wishes to old friends, attempts to correct wrongs, or simply just be there as much as I can. These hands have driven late nights and early mornings because they understand the importance of showing up, always, and often. They have clapped their way through arguments and disagreements, never missing a beat. Or clapped for others in support of whatever endeavor they found themselves doing.

But what happens when your arms are tired? What happens when they are exhausted of reaching out first in every friendship. What happens when your shoulder begins to drupe from the weight of other peoples problems? What happens when your hands can no longer wipe away other peoples tears or concerns because you yourself exhausted.

My arms, are tired.

I am, tired.

I have come to the painful and grueling reality that I cannot offer to support to others if I myself do not feel one ounce of support. I know now, that my skinny undefined never go to the gym arms have been stretched to their breaking point.

People are exhausting. And some of you don’t even know you are.

They will use you up until you have nothing left to give. I am finding that my arms have literally been doing the heavy lifting not only for myself but for so many around me. Relationships are unbalanced af. I often think we as humans offer so much of ourselves that we get lost in what we should do for others. My brand has always been showing up. And I will continue to be there, arms extending towards the humans who need it, but I am slowly learning to place my arms around myself here and there as well. People spend a ridiculous amount of time on their phones, but I rarely find people breaking their neck or their fingers to reach out to me, first. Half of my social media timelines stay in a gym, yet I cannot remember when that same energy was used to ask if I needed support or a little more strength that day. And while shoulders make for great accessories to show off in the summertime, when is the last time someone offered you theirs to cry on?

Truth is I am blessed to be stronger than the average bear. But life happens to all of us. Even the strong ones. We deserve the just because of messages, and check in text, and “hey something feels off how are you”, “how are we” moments as well. We need people patting us on the back and reminding us that our brand of living is dope too. We need hugs (not too many), and claps of encouragement and reinforcing sounds that tell us to keep going. We need people willing to pick up the phone just cause and ask us how we are. We need people to show up just cause. Be willing to take a hit or two because we would and have done the same. We need people who use their hands to call us, or text us, wish us well, or simply say I am sorry. We need to be reminded that not everything is our fault.

I may be strong, but my arms get tired.

Check in on your people. Do not be the reason they are exhausted. Send love even when you don’t think they need it. And always extend a hand. We all can be reminded not to take advantage of those who support you no matter what, because one day, they may decide to choose themselves. No one is to blame here, we all can do better. The world is bad enough without the people around you not supporting you fully. I will continue to be there, as I have, reach out, show up and offer my unwavering support to all of you. In return, I ask you to do the same. Find that person who you haven’t fully supported and do so. Find that friendship that has so many things unsaid and say them. Use your hands to type of a message of concern, or check in with someone, instead of scrolling aimlessly through social media. Stop waiting for people to run to you, apologize to you, say hi to you, reach out to you, and do everything first, and use your arms, and hands to reach out first. You literally never know who needs it.

Then take a moment and pat YOURSELF on the back. Wrap your arms around YOURSELF and know that you deserve it all. Place your elbows on the table (but not the dinner table girl), lean in, close your eyes and breathe deep.