For Anyone Who Needs to Hear It...

I found myself on FB reading the status of an old friend who seemed to be going through it. Their words felt familiar, like a cry for help. A cry that I heard from myself many times before. The next thing I knew I was in their inbox writing this. That was two weeks ago and they never replied. I realized at that moment that many people don't want help, they want attention. Yet, if I was only trying to help, did I need a hero's response at all. I knew that these words came from a place that hit home for me, and I hope they find their way to open and willing eyes... I didn't reach out for a badge of honor, I reached out because in that moment this is what felt real and true. Maybe someone could use this in the future. Maybe that someone is me. 

*Names have been removed and it’s been edited a bit for details* 

"I was on FB and saw your post and felt inclined to reach out to you. 

I should start by saying I am a talker and a self-proclaimed writer so this may ramble but I hope it makes sense by the end. Also, its after midnight and I should be sleeping but this felt like something I needed to do.

To say that you are not alone in your feelings is an understatement. I can say, without a shadow of a doubt our generation is facing levels of anxiety and depression that far exceed our predecessors. This fact does not make us weak. In fact, I have learned, that it makes us strong as fuck. We feel things. We feel things deeply and that is never a bad thing. We push ourselves more than our parents. We move careers and follow our hearts and we dream big. This is what makes us special. This is what makes us unique.

But it’s tough. It is hard to jump out on a limb for a new career. It is hard to put yourself out there for people's judgment. It is hard to be happy when sometimes all you want to do is be sad.

I get it. Trust me. I get it. For as long as I can remember I have been a funny girl. I make people.laugh when I am dying inside. I find the sassy remark when I really am just exhausted from life. I am the shoulder yo cry on, the one to blame, and the do anything and everything in my power to show up for people even when I don’t have it in return. Eventually, I got burnt out. I realized I was losing people I cared about deeply because I was simply exhausted. I had so much love to give and yet all that was coming through was an attitude and a rough side of me that was really masking a bigger problem.

I was unhappy. And sometimes I still am. I realized through a lot of work on myself, cleanses from social media and writing that I hurt and feel and have bad days too and instead of masking them with jokes, I needed to tackle them head-on. They were apart of me, but they weren’t all of me.

So, to you, I say this: you have taken the first step in admitting openly that sometimes life gets you down. But the person I knew and loved was not simply putting on a happy front. You are a happy and good person. You are just dealing with some shit, and that is ok. It doesn’t make you less of a man, less of a friend or less of a human to overwhelmed, unsure, sad, anxious, upset, etc... it just makes you human. And once you normalize your feelings, you can really start to do the work.

My suggestion to you would be the following:

Go to therapy. Having someone to talk to, who listens without judgment is HUGE. Everyone needs an outlet. An unbiased ear who only wants to help you. But doesn’t know you to sugarcoat the tough stuff.

Reach out to friends. All of my friends know that no matter the time or place, no matter what has come up in our life or between us, my phone is always on. I made a vow to myself to do that for others. And I am offering that to you. I care about people. And there are still people in the world like me. I am not perfect, and I don’t have all the answers but I damn sure have been dragged through almost anything you can think of and at 31 am learning that my story is sharing with others. Find that person. You are friends with people I absolutely love, whom I adore and would easily answer a phone call from you at any time. People are the reason I’ve been able to learn so much about myself over the years. The love I have for some of them it is beyond words, but it stems from a place of being so open to befriending and seeing past so much shit about me that I felt unworthy of his friendship. Call them. Text them. Use them...they will listen. Even if its to vent. Even if its to rant. Even if you don’t know what to say, find that person. You have been a great friend to tons of folks over your life, do not hesitate to reach out to them when you are feeling down. Talking to a familiar voice is reassuring and needed.

Next, take a break from social media. This is big. I cant tell you how long, that is up to you, but do it. Comparison is the death of all dreams. You have talent, you have skills, and you have to carve out space for yourself with or without the validation of others. Taking a step away from social media will help refocus your plan and your space and allow you to dive into this with the blinders you need to be the best you can be. Taking the step to do this was huge. But now comes the work. You need the best mind for you to kill it out there.

Negative thoughts serve no place in a creative space.

Lastly, and most importantly be willing to do the work. Whatever the work is. Find out what bad habits you have, find your triggers, and do the work to rebuild yourself from the inside out. People are petty and unreliable. Goals will seem big and unattainable. Life is messy and hard. But a steady mind is unstoppable. Find your tribe. See a therapist and use their steps to apply the small changes to your life each day. Know that you are not alone and many people feel what you feel each day. Reach out to friends when you need a distraction or a laugh. Write. Write it down, put your thoughts to paper so they get out of your mind and don’t continue to be road blocks.

And breathe.

Breathe.

When you are happy sit in that.

When you are sad, sit in that for a second too. And then decide to push through it because the next drag superstar makeup artist husband extraordinaire has to much going for him to get caught in negative space.

This thing called life is a marathon and not a race. But doing the work, really doing the work, in all things is worth it in the end. Today was step one... but I pray for better tomorrows for you now until forever.

You got this.